i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
