mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize