We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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