I cannot find my penis.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I did not marry a roomba.
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