people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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