false alarm. still invincible.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
