For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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