if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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