Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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