I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
