...so i touched it.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
