I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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