Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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