I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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