I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
third nipple confirmed
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
