Be still, my beating vagina.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
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Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
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Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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