I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
