she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I need moral support for this bender
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
