You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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