Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
