I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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