i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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