Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
