he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
