I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
