I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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