How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize