I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
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the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
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I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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