How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
