problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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