so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
