It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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