There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
