You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
