people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
