And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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