theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
