So drunk its hurt
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
