Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
