u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
