i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
