you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
