just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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