i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
