You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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