I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
