so that wasnt chicken after all
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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