She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
