Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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