Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
