k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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