Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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