Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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