so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
