I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
