Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i dont even know how to be here
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
