I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
