Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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