and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm really busy with my period
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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