No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
