I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
