New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I need to stop coming to work sober
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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